Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
