Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
