first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I skipped work to stalk him.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
