Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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