Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
