Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
