Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
