Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
