her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
