We won't sleep together?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
