Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
