bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
