Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
