its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need to calm my uterus...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
