Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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