3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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