That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
