i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
