So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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