So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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