U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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