Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
