3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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