You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
