i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
