I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
