my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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