Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
