i can't believe i had my finger in that
someone owes me an orgasm
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
