i permit you to call me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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