I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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