You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
