video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
