How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
