so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
