My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
