yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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