Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
