he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
