How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
