Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
