my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
