You don't have asthma, your pregnant
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
