I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
