i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
