i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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