using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
