my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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