plz talk dirty to me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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