I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
