Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
