he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
